AGGRESSIVE CHILD

Aggression, unfortunately, surrounds us and our children. Aggressiveness in human behavior m.b. protective, often “aggressive” are called children, “uncomfortable”, who have problems in communicating with peers and with adults. Why does a child become aggressive, are external factors always the causes of such behavior, what should parents do in this case, how to help?

Signs of aggressiveness:
– the child is quick-tempered, rebellious, unpredictable, by nature, self-confident, not attentive enough to the feelings of others, impudent, shows negativism.
Reasons for aggressive behavior:
Violations of the emotional-volitional sphere:
– the inability of the child to control their behavior;
– insufficient assimilation by the child of social norms of behavior, communication.
Unfavorable family environment
– alienation, constant quarrels, stress;
– there is no unity of requirements for the child;
– too severe or weak requirements are imposed on the child;
– physical (especially cruel) punishments;
– antisocial behavior of parents;
– poor living conditions, material difficulties;
· Difficulties in learning.
· Psychological climate in a preschool institution.

Tips for parents

Streamline the system of requirements, watch your actions, showing the child a personal (positive) example.
Maintain discipline, follow the established rules.
Teach your child self-control by example.
Let your child know that you love him for who he is.
Direct his energy in a positive direction (for example, sports, where a child can learn to control emotions, control his behavior (martial arts, boxing, wushu), drawing, singing).
· When presenting your requirements to the child, consider his capabilities, and not your desires.
Ignore slight manifestations of aggressiveness, do not fix the attention of others on them.
Include the child in joint activities, emphasize his importance in the work being done.
· Establish a strict ban on the manifestation of aggression in the case when aggression, not being a defensive reaction, serves as a kind of “entertainment” for the child.
· Teach your child to be sorry. He must understand that his behavior causes grief, causes suffering to loved ones.
Never make a child forget that he is kind. For example, tell him: “Why are you doing this, because you are good, kind!”.
· Practice emotional rewards for acts of kindness. In this case, the child will quickly be able to outgrow the “natural age aggressiveness” and learn to be humane and kind.
In the event that a child has a need to throw out aggressive emotions, he is given such an opportunity in the game. You can offer him the following games: fight with a pillow; tear paper; using a “shout cup” to express your negative emotions; beat a chair with an inflatable hammer; sing your favorite song out loud pour water into the bath, throw a few plastic toys into it and bomb them with a ball; run a few circles around the house or along the corridor; leave the ball against the wall; arrange a competition “Who will shout louder”, “Who will jump higher”, “Who will run faster”.
· If possible, restrain the child’s aggressive impulses immediately before their manifestation, stop the hand raised to strike, shout the child.
Teach your child to express their negative emotions in a socially acceptable way. At the first stage, invite the child to transfer his anger from a living object to an inanimate one (For example: “If you want to hit, it’s better not to hit me, but a chair”), and then teach the child to express his feelings, experiences in verbal form.

Remember that you need patience, explanation, encouragement to fight aggressiveness.
There are several steps to overcome aggressive behavior in a child.
Step 1 – stimulation of humane feelings:
– stimulate in aggressive children the ability to admit their own mistakes, experience feelings of embarrassment, guilt for aggressive behavior;
– teach him not to shift his blame on others;
– develop in the child a sense of empathy, sympathy for others, peers, adults and the living world.
For example:
“Misha, don’t you feel sorry for other children?”
“If you don’t pity others, then no one will pity you.”
Ask your child why an offended child is crying.
Offer to make peace with the offended child (“Peace, make peace and don’t fight anymore…”)
Step 2 – orientation to the emotional state of the other.
Strive to draw, draw attention to the state of another, without expressing an evaluative attitude to what happened.
For example:
“Do you feel like a winner now?”, “Who is feeling bad now, what do you think?”
· If an aggressive child witnessed how Lena was offended, then an adult suggests to him: “Let’s take pity on Lena!”
· “What do you think, is it just you feeling bad or someone else?”, “Are you sad now?”, “Are you angry?”, “Do you feel tired and don’t want to talk to anyone?”.
Step 3 – awareness of aggressive and insecure behavior or state:
– help the aggressive child adequately assess the emotional state of the victim child, and not just his own;
– try to understand the nature of aggressiveness – protective or more like cruelty without sympathy for the offended;
– stimulate awareness of the characteristics of short-tempered and insecure behavior in children;
– strive to put the aggressive child in the place of the victim child;
– talk more often with an aggressive child about the palette of his own emotional states;
– ask him more often about options for getting out of a conflict situation;
– explain in what other non-aggressive ways he can assert himself;
– tell us what an outburst of anger is and what it means to “control” one’s own aggression, and why it is necessary to do this.
– ask the child in what cases he most often becomes angry, loses control over himself;
– explain to the child why it is necessary and what it means to “control” their own aggression.
For example:
· You hit Vera because… and why?
An adult says: “Now I will take a piece of paper and draw an evil face. It’s a wolf! Dima, take a rubber band and draw an evil face from the wolf (or not evil)! Why do you think the wolf has an angry face?
· These questions can also be addressed to a child victim of bullying. “Why do you think Igor offended you? Why else?”

Strategies for correcting aggressive behavior in children

Strategy for responding to aggressive behavior:
– help the child express negative emotional states not with anger and hostility, but with other emotions and behavior;
– learn to throw out anger in an acceptable form;
– teach an aggressive child to speak in words about what he likes or dislikes;
– teach your child to express aggression with words, and not with physical aggression;
– try to use a sense of humor, explain to a child prone to aggression the following: “If someone barks at you, then you don’t have to bark (react) in response.”
State switching strategy:
– stimulate positive emotions in the child in order to switch from an aggressive state to another. Use the novelty, unusualness, surprise of playful and non-playful behavior and actions with objects to switch the child to non-aggressive behavior.
Strategy for the prevention of aggressive conditions:
– in a child: do not label an aggressive child: angry, bully, fighter, wretch and more offensive;
– in an adult: remember that you have many ways to change behavior.

Games for aggressive kids

Sparrow fights (removal of physical aggression).
Children choose a couple and turn into pugnacious “sparrows” (squat, clasping their knees with their hands). “Sparrows” bounce sideways to each other, push. Which of the children falls or takes their hands off their knees is out of the game (the “wings” and paws are being treated by Dr. Aibolit). “Fights” begin and end at the signal of an adult.
A minute of pranks (psychological relief).
The leader, on a signal (hitting a tambourine, etc.), invites the children to play pranks: everyone does what he wants – jumps, runs, somersaults, etc. The leader’s repeated signal after 1-3 minutes announces the end of pranks.
Good – evil cats (removal of general aggression).
Children are invited to form a large circle, in the center of which lies a hoop. This is a “magic circle” in which “transformations” will take place. The child goes inside the hoop and, at the signal of the leader (clapping his hands, the sound of a bell, the sound of a whistle), turns into a feisty cat: hisses and scratches. At the same time, it is impossible to leave the “magic circle”. The children standing around the hoop repeat after the leader in chorus: “Stronger, stronger, stronger …”, and the child depicting a cat makes more and more “evil” movements. On a repeated signal from the leader, the “transformations” end, after which another child enters the hoop and the game is repeated. When all the children have been in the “magic circle”, the hoop is removed, the children are divided into pairs and again turn into angry cats at the signal of an adult. (If someone did not have enough pair, then the leader himself can participate in the game.) A categorical rule: do not touch each other! If it is violated, the game stops immediately, the host shows an example of possible actions, and then continues the game. On a repeated signal, the “cats” stop and can exchange pairs. At the final stage of the game, the host invites the “evil cats” to become kind and affectionate. On a signal, the children turn into kind cats that caress each other.
Karateka (removal of physical aggression).
Children form a circle, in the center of which lies a hoop – a “magic circle”. In the “magic circle” there is a “transformation” of the child into a karateka (foot movements). The children standing around the hoop, together with the leading choir, say: “Stronger, stronger, stronger …”, helping the player to throw out aggressive energy with the most intense actions.
Boxer (removal of physical aggression).
This is a variant of the Karate game, and it is carried out in a similar way, but actions in the hoop can only be done with your hands. Fast, strong movements are encouraged.
Stubborn (capricious) child (overcoming stubbornness, negativism).
Children entering the circle (hoop) take turns showing a capricious child. Everyone helps with the words: “Stronger, stronger, stronger …”. Then the children are divided into pairs “parent and child”: the child is naughty, the parent persuades him to calm down. Each player must play the role of a capricious child and persuading parent.
Stubborn pillow (removal of general aggression, negativism, stubbornness).
Adults prepare a “magic, stubborn pillow” (in a dark pillowcase) and introduce the child to a fairy tale game: “The fairy sorceress gave us a pillow. This pillow is not simple, but magical. Children’s stubbornness lives inside her. It is they who make you capricious and stubborn. Let’s get rid of the stubbornness.” The child beats the pillow with his fists with all his might, and the adult says: “Stronger, stronger, stronger!” When the child’s movements become slower, the game gradually stops. An adult offers to listen to “stubborn people in the pillow: “Have all the stubborn people got out and what are they doing?” The child puts his ear to the pillow and listens. “The stubborn ones got scared and are silent in the pillow,” the adult replies (this technique calms the child after excitement).
Clowns swear (removal of verbal aggression).
The host says: “The clowns showed the children a performance, made them laugh, and then they began to teach the children to swear. Angrily swear at each other with vegetables and fruits. Attention is drawn to adequate, angry intonation. Children can choose pairs, change partners, “swear” together, or take turns “scold” all the children. An adult directs the game, announces the beginning and end of the game with a signal, stops if other words or physical aggression are used. Then the game continues, changing the emotional mood of the children. The host says: “When the clowns taught the children to swear, the parents didn’t like it.” Clowns, continuing the game, teach children not only to swear by vegetables and fruits, but also to affectionately call each other flowers. The intonation must be appropriate. Children again break into pairs and affectionately call each other flowers.
“Zhuzha” (removal of the general collective aggression).
The host chooses “Zhuzha”, which sits on a chair (in the house), the rest of the children begin to tease “Zhuzha”, grimacing in front of her.
“Buzz, buzz, come out,
Zhuzha, Zhuzha, catch up!
“Zhuzha” looks out of the window of his house, shows his fists. stamps his feet in anger, and when the children go beyond the “magic line”, he runs out and catches the children. Whom “Zhuzha” caught, he is eliminated from the game (becomes captured by “Zhuzha”).
Little ghost (learning to vent accumulated anger in an acceptable way).
The host says: “We will play good little ghosts. We wanted to have a little mischief and scare each other a little. According to my clap, you will make such a movement with your hands (an adult raises his arms bent at the elbows, his fingers are spread out) and pronounce the sound “U” in a terrible voice, if I clap loudly, you will scare loudly. But remember that we are kind ghosts and only want to joke. The adult claps his hands. At the end of the game, the ghosts turn into children.
“Kicking”.
The child lies on his back on the carpet. Legs are freely spread. Slowly, he begins to kick, touching the floor with his entire foot. The legs alternate and rise high. Gradually increases the strength and speed of kicking. For each kick, the child says “No”, increasing the intensity of the kick.
Bobo doll.
When the child manages to throw out the accumulated energy, he becomes calm and balanced. This means that if the child is allowed to vent aggression on some object, some of the problems associated with his behavior will be solved. For this purpose, a special Bobo doll is used. You can make it yourself, for example, from a pillow: sew arms and legs made of fabric to the old pillow, make a “face” – and the doll is ready. You can make it tighter. To do this, sew an oblong-shaped cover, attach “handles”, “legs” and “face” to it, stuff it tightly with cotton wool or sand and sew it up. A child can calmly beat and kick such a doll, taking out the negative feelings accumulated during the day on it. By painlessly expressing his aggression, the child becomes more calm in everyday life. Important! Do not use for these purposes a ready-made toy depicting an animal, a baby – “Bobo” d.b. a little depersonalized.
Fight.
“Imagine that you had a fight with a friend. This is where the fight starts. Take a deep breath, clench your teeth tightly, clench your fists as hard as possible, press your fingers into your palms until it hurts, hold your breath for a few seconds. Think about it: maybe it’s not worth fighting? Breathe out and relax. Hooray! Trouble behind! Shake your hands. Did you feel relieved?
“Go away, anger, go away!”
The players lie down on the carpet in a circle. There are pillows between them. Closing their eyes, they begin to kick the floor with all their might, and with their hands on the pillows, shouting: “Go away, anger, go away!” The exercise lasts 3 minutes, then the participants, at the command of an adult, lie down in the “star” position, spreading their arms and legs wide, and lie quietly, listening to calm music for 3 minutes.

Important! All games should end positively, you need to help the child (or a group of children) calm down. You should be especially careful with hyperactive children – it is difficult for them to “switch” from one emotion to another, “pass” from an excited state to a calm one.

author – Olga Anisimovich July 16, 2009

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