Why it’s okay to be a queen, or go paint yourself a crown

 

If your environment says: “Why are you building a queen out of yourself?” – then, most likely, they themselves want to be crowned, and see you in the position of a yard page (or simply your royal greatness can no longer be covered with anything, as soon as the crown).

And very often these phrases are a manifestation of weakness. I think you have seen such teachers who told the child “very smart” – and he immediately began to doubt. These words often cover up their own insecurities. A wise teacher will inspire and empower. Let’s try to figure out what kind of popular manipulative statement this is. This is an imaginary form of false control, false strength, in other words, a miserable form of accusing you of being insufficient or too much in something. Such formulas perfectly destroy confidence, self-worth or self-confidence – and as a result, disappointment appears in oneself, in life. Therefore, do not take them into the arsenal of your reality. WE become who we believe in.

American psychotherapists Bob and Mary Goulding, followers of Eric Berne and leading representatives of transactional analysis, wrote in detail about these killing parental directives (don’t be better, braver, happier than me, don’t dare, don’t dream, don’t live). The authors researched and identified 12 basic prescriptions, which are also called the “Twelve Parental Directives”.

Reproaches about desires, achievements, the need to change something or do it in one’s own way are suppressed by forms that are convenient for the “controller”. And he, as a rule, knows very well what to call you in order to make it hurt as much as possible. But this is just his form of self-defense, the hidden fear of losing you, and with you, himself. What will he talk or think about if you do not give him a reason?

Yes, always the most talked about person in the kingdom is the king and queen, as they are the sources of real power and real power. So, if they shout to you that you have a very high crown, you need to think about the following:

1. You are not a slave or a victim;
2. You already have your own internal power structure;
3. Are you ready for responsibility?
4. You are not afraid to make decisions;
5. You can execute and pardon if necessary;
6. You are responsible for a lot and understand the level of responsibility;
7. You are able to defend and attack;
8. You are determined and courageous;
9. People will follow you;
10. You are a symbol of nobility and integrity;
11. You write your own laws of life;
12. You are able to defend the borders of your kingdom.

 

And it means that YOU have grown from the archetype of the irresponsible “daddy’s princess”. It’s time to wear your crown and rule your kingdom.

A bit of art therapy practice in drawings:

1. Imagine what kind of queen you are;
2. What is your kingdom;
3. How happy everyone is in it;
4. Build your kingdom’s castle and make it an impenetrable fort if needed;
5. Expel all who destroy it and destroy it from within, even if it is your destructive thoughts;
6. Create your coat of arms;
7. Draw an army that will protect you.

And just draw whatever you want. You are the queen or king of your kingdom.

 

Victoria Nazarevich ©2019