Accept yourself, have mercy

 

If a person fails to accept himself in the process of life, then there is no chance for healing. Life will be anything – boredom, eternal expectation of something significant, torture, vanity and ordeal of the spirit, the torment of constancy or, conversely, pain of the soul or body, an external or internal war – but not a stream of opportunities. This is where the question arises, which sooner or later catches up with all those who seek themselves. Is it possible to change something – to accept yourself and accept life itself? In the head of the answer-seeker, the questions arrange a whole kaleidoscope of options, confusing, complex, sometimes frightening.

If I accept myself the way I am, will that stop me? Will I stop trying for more? Will I want to improve myself, or will it be all the same, and the meaning of the changes will be completely lost?

Let’s try to explore this topic using the example of the usual formation of a drawing skill. And I would like to bring to this process the wonderful formula of Ilya Repin about artists – “At first, an artist draws simply and badly, then it is difficult and bad. And only then simply and well. I see this as a direct analogy with self-acceptance. After all, you also need to learn how to live productively and beautifully.

1. 1. At first, it seems easy to accept yourself, but the quality of this acceptance suffers greatly. When we accept ourselves at this level, we blame others, or worse, we constantly blame ourselves. Even if the oncoming passer-by wet his feet in rainy weather, we experience a strange feeling of guilt, as if we should have saved him from this embarrassment. At this stage of self-acceptance, everything seems to be clear. Often we bitterly accept the consequences and quite imperceptibly take on the quality of an unhappy person – which, of course, is bad. Everything, as Repin said, is simple and bad at first. And we really feel bad about this, although everything is very clear and there are no additional questions for ourselves. But this is only the first stage of the mastery of life itself.
   2. But then comes the most interesting stage of accepting yourself and life with all its components, when it is difficult and bad. And believe me, that’s exactly what happens. Life and a person’s perception of himself acquires the following characteristics: instability, incomprehensibility, ambiguity. It seems as if all life is a strange bad joke of higher powers. Wrong people, wrong feelings, wrong deeds, wrong results, wrong strengths and wrong desires. And from all this you feel as if you yourself are not that and not that. This raises a natural question – what to do? From the experience of many years of work comes the answer: do what you like. The answer, of course, seems primitive and simple, but it is certainly true. What you like is that form of ideality, which will make it possible, through activity, to find repressed or previously forbidden forms of self-manifestation, in which there is a hidden potential.

And now let’s try to make it easier to live this difficult and wrong stage:

Give yourself enough time to understand your potential needs and desires. At the same time, one should try the most paradoxical and sometimes ridiculous methods of activity;

– be brave enough to make mistakes and try again;

– look for a resource in people who did not fall into the circle of communication and interests before;

– critically evaluate those situations, events to which a protest reaction arises;

– use a paradoxical alternative;

– allow yourself to be in an unresolved situation;

– monitor your automatic reactions and try to react differently;

– change old habits.

All this and a huge number of other methods of finding and accepting oneself will make it possible to trace new facets of the mastery of life.

How will creative self-expression give you the opportunity to help yourself in this process? Important:

1. 1. Allow yourself to draw all the experiences and anxieties, even if there is no apparent reason for them.
   2. Keep a list of changes. When you feel or feel something new and different, it is important to record it in a notebook.
   3. Create an art book in which we change through paint and color and often complicate ourselves at this stage.
   4. Keep a photographic record of change through photographic images of particular importance.
   5. Attend events where everyone can express themselves.

And then, after some time (and this can take more than one year), you manage to understand: something has changed and life has become simpler and clearer, events are clearer and more predictable, experiences are controllable and not absorbing, loneliness inside oneself is tolerable and even resourceful , the meanings desired and expected, and the finiteness of being with all the ensuing consequences are also part of life. As Repin said: it will be simple and good.

©Victoria Nazarevich 2019