Our life consists of events and reactions to these events; moreover most of the events and reactions are only in our heads and have an exact impact on the level of our happiness and unhappiness and as a result on all the other parts of our life including health, relationships, success. This year my active psychological practice is 22 years and I’ve decided to present my own concept of happiness based on my work experience, observation of the world, me, and people. So, if you want to be happy take out of your life 7 ‘must-throw-aways’.
1. Estimation. Measurement or estimation is a complex and ambiguous concept. What for one is good for another one is death. It means that if we measure something or someone we initially miss opportunities to understand or accept more, to widen our realization of situation. The important thing here is to remember that devaluing or overestimating someone is a form of a fear which displays itself in such a convenient and clear way. Everything is valuable, it would be more correct to say that everything is priceless as is made by a will of higher power. Throw away categorical estimation!
2. Resentment. There is no guilt. That’s just a symbolic way to support relationships or illusions when other less codependent forms haven’t come in a practice of cooperation during a life. Guilt is just a filling with energy in a very easy and available way. So the one will take offence if he has a benefit from that. When you’re offended you have a lot to think about and to take away your time, your inner emptiness of psychological space easily becomes filled with resentment. By taking offence you agree to take offender with it. Release all the resentment and accusations!
3. Conviction. This is a way to connect to someone’s life by dissuasion of your shady alter ego. All that is in someone that angers us and the fact that we convict it is a shady extruded unrecognized part of ourselves which safely finds a civilized way to the real space of our consciousness. Because if we can’t let ourselves something due to a number of reasons let’s talk about it. Get rid of a habit to convict!
4.Excuses. They are the remains of childhood instructions e.g. “You’re different” so you actually have to always excuse yourself that maybe “You are not”. Excuses steal your energy of creation, freedom of expression yourself, will to make yourself due to your own dream pattern. After all there is the portrait of “The one” in depths of censorship that is convenient and wanted to be seen, painted by parents or society years ago. But I’m here to upset you (by the way the 8th ‘must-throw-away’). You still will never be liked or loved by someone and you still will annoy someone and that’s okay. It’s a law of energy exchange. That’s why you better lean on your own tunning fork of values and draw yourself with your own independent choices. Heal from excuses!
5. Expectations. We think that someone owes us something and we may wait for that something for a whole life dreaming that ‘He’ knows how to understand us and love us as needed. Unfortunately not. And often that’s the biggest myth of our life. We don’t know ourselves so well because the entire life is a path to ourselves. So how can anyone understand what isn’t understood or learnt by us ourselves? Exploring yourself you can find out your wishes, needs, motives, and approve them with your loved ones. If they accept you with all your wishes you’ll have the same life path. If not you’ll have a lot to explore and to work on to learn yourself. Nobody can help us if we don’t know what help we need. Expect only from yourselves!
6.Restrictions. We often build restrictions for ourselves and opportunities fences not even trying to find our whether we can do it or not. With restrictions we miss our possible achievements and threads of new doing too quick conclusions from someone’s experience or social stereotypes. However life’s different and it’s so scary to remove restrictions but so important. Only brave ones run towns. It’s convenient to control your life with restrictions but there is much more advanced level which is responsible freedom. Win over own restrictions!
7.Charm. Sometimes we get charmed by someone or something not noticing the flip side but delightfully seeing only facial side of an event, situation or person forgetting of the other less attractive side existing. We get in a trap of emotionally sensitive reaction, ignore logic and pragma and as a result get a huge dose of disappointment which is often too difficult to accept. If you don’t want to be disappointed don’t get charmed. Everything is all. There is both a disgusting part in beauty and a perfect part in nastily. Everything is polar. Dose charm!
I think if we learn to wisely interact with these ‘must-throw-aways’ in our life the world will fill us with other wonderful things like discoveries, encouragements, communication, liveliness, optimism, experience, recreation, tenderness, frankness, hugs, release, awareness. And there will appear an opportunity to make ourselves and the world HAPPY.
Viktoria Nazarevіch, 2019